Barely a month into our new apartment, and there are 2 broken things. A dishwasher that isn’t draining, and a bathroom fan that won’t turn on. Eerily reminiscent of our last rental, and two of the precursors to the catastrophic mold and rodent issues that led to our emergency move.
So I found myself, at 10 o’clock at night, hand washing and drying two days worth of dishes so we’d have counter space to make breakfast in the morning. Oddly enough, I wasn’t mad unlike how I’ve often found myself at unfair inconvenience. I did smirk at the irony. And I felt the hand of God pointing back to my very recent lesson: decay in this life is inevitable.
Last month, in the middle of the uncertainty and upheaval of moving and before I knew where we’d live, I was walking the beach and talking with God about the unfairness of it all. I found lots of beach treasures (see previous post about Pretty Little Things). I also saw a gnarly, saltwater-eaten penny. Ok, ok, this one deserves a trip back in time to understand the significance better.
*Doo Doo Doo Doo*
I was raised below poverty-level poor, and by the time my husband and I had our daughter, our finances had not improved. But my faith in Jesus had begun to take root in a new way. I found myself getting to truly know God as Yahweh Yireh: the One who foresees and provides. No matter how hard my husband and I tried, we could never get ahead or get a good-paying job, but God always provided what we needed in unexpected, random ways just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. One thing that kept my head up in those years was finding pennies on the ground literally everywhere I went. For me, it was a tangible reminder of the manna God provided His people in the desert. As I walked through my own personal weary, dry land, finding these pennies became a connection I had with Him and a sign of encouragement.
I don’t need pennies as desperately as I once did because He grew that confidence and expectation in me. But seeing them, albeit much less frequently than I used to, still reminds me of that time.
Okay, so back to the gnarly penny I found last month on the beach: I knew without a doubt this was another reminder. But this time it was about the impermanence of material provision. This time God was saying “Girl, you know I always provide for you. But the ultimate goal is not material provision. It will rot. It will decay. You are free to seek true, lasting provision.”
Seriously, the message was that clear. Not in those specific words, but the gist of it was the same. Just this loving discipline that went along with having to let go of my shells and sea glass.
And it was confirmed again. The next day, I found another penny on the sidewalk, and it had deep scratches all over it. Yes, God will provide, but these material things are not my focus. They are not the source of my security or hope. Even if God is the source of my house or my things, they will break and be lost and eventually go away.
So when I found myself doing dishes tonight, I was prepared to say: yeah, that makes sense. I can expect things to break and go wrong. Not because I’m unlucky or unloved, but because that is life here. My fight is not against the impermanence or decay of this life, but against the spiritual forces that seek to make me think this life is all that there is. My hope in Christ will far outlast even the newest dishwasher, hallelujah.
As I write this, I am listening to the freezer fan going wonky, as it has been since we moved in, and I’m wondering how much time we have left for that appliance, too. To God be the glory! He holds my life, and my frozen foods, in His hands.
Going to the Garden 